Confidence Is Built Before It Is Seen

Last week, I found myself in front of two very different audiences asking remarkably similar questions.

One group was made up of seasoned leaders, many of them respected voices and proven performers in their industries. The other group was just beginning their leadership journey, full of possibility and hope for what could be.

The questions sounded different on the surface, but they shared the same heartbeat.

The first group wanted to know how to do what they were already doing - better, faster, and with more confidence.
The second group wanted to know how to get better, faster, and with more confidence.

Different stages. Same desire.

That experience reinforced something I see often in my work: confidence is not a destination. It’s a process. Like any other skill, it must be developed.

Adam Grant captures this well when he says, “The highest form of self-confidence is believing in your own ability to learn.” Even the word confidence traces back to the Latin con and fide - with faith. Confidence grows when faith and action meet.

This is where the competence – confidence loop comes into play.

Confidence doesn’t usually come first. Competence does. And competence is built through intentional, repeatable action.

Let me show you what I mean: Competence → Confidence → Courage

Confidence rarely precedes action.
More often, it follows it.

Every time you practice a skill, keep a commitment, show up consistently, or take one step toward a goal, you are strengthening your competence. And competence creates something powerful:

Evidence.

Evidence that you can learn.
Evidence that you can grow.
Evidence that you can lead with purpose even when the path is unclear.

That evidence fuels confidence. And confidence fuels courage - the courage to take on bigger challenges, make harder decisions, and step into the kind of leadership that shapes people, teams, and culture.

Confidence is not an event.
It is a loop - one that starts with steady, repeatable action.

Here are a few practical ways leaders can strengthen that loop.

1. Let go of perfection

Sometimes, good enough really is good enough. Perfectionism often stalls progress and erodes confidence. Focus on progress, not flawless execution.

2. Play to your strengths

Make the main thing the main thing. Stay focused on where you add the most value and resist the pull of distraction. Confidence grows when your energy is aligned with your strengths.

3. Reflect on your successes

Leaders consistently underestimate their progress because they don’t slow down to notice it.
Write down one moment each day where competence showed up, even if it was small. Remember, evidence fuels confidence.

4. Gain perspective

This requires self-awareness and self-regulation. You may not be where you want to be yet, but you are further along than you were yesterday. Perspective steadies the journey.

5. Act with intention

When competence has built enough stability, confidence begins to surface. Use that confidence to take one small, manageable step beyond what feels comfortable. Stepping outside your comfort zone – carefully will take courage. However, courage is not the start of the loop; it’s the result of it.

Confidence, like most growth apparatuses, is built quietly, beneath the surface, long before it’s visible. It grows through learning, reflection, and daily action. Whether you are just beginning or refining an already strong leadership presence, the path is the same.

Build competence.
Let evidence do its work.
Confidence will follow.